


Be My Pepperonly

by Winkemoji



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Puns, Crack, M/M, Pizza, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 07:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11331546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winkemoji/pseuds/Winkemoji
Summary: Ricken orders a pizza but the delivery guy is Henry.





	Be My Pepperonly

“Let’s order a pizza!” Ricken said enthusiastically.

“I h8 pizza bitch. We’re not friends anymore. Bye bye (:”

Ricken’s friend promptly exits the apartment in a hurry. In that moment, Ricken knew he fucked up.

“Oh well, I still want pizza.” Ricken sighed, grabbing his telephone.

“Hello! May I take your order sire?” The girl on the phone asks.

“Tis’ a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Would you be so kind as to supply me with a pizza this fine evening?”

“Do you believe me to be omnipotent? I am not but a humble servant of our revered chef; I cannot preform the miracle of pizza birth such as he can. Therefore, I can only partially fulfill your request by sending your regards to the man himself. Deepest apologies.”

“Ahh, do not despair, fair lady. It was a misdeed to demand of you such a formidable task; only now do I realize the gravity of the situation. Even as I have grown since the ignorance of my childhood, I can only know so much as man is capable of knowing. I am no god, nor a miracle maker. Yet, despite not having the future sight of the oracles of old, I shall continue to seek prosperity from my transient existence. It was a pleasure to have learned from you the burdens of those who do not posses the elusive treasure known as “talent”. The messengers, who allow the fruits of the gods to travel this world, carry a daunting task, yet a necessary one. In my arrogance, I fear I am incapable of understanding a plight such as yours. I have always been granted fortune; never have I ever been bothered to open my mind to the possibilities of others. Perhaps it is ignorant of me to say, but I do not believe that it is an impossibility yet for me to change. Truthfully, I have grown bored of a life of simple pleasures; But how am I to understand true joy? A desire for salvation is purposeless without troubles to be saved from, yet an earnest want for joy when there is only tragedy is only human. Without suffering, my life will continue without meaning, and I will end without achieving anything. For now, I would like a plain cheese pizza with nothing else on it please.”

“Thank you for your service! (:”

Ricken waited an extraordinarily long time for his pizza. After a gruelling 6 hours, the delivery guy arrived.

“Special delivery!” A mysterious white haired youth said cheerfully.

“Wow, its not like that took you all day or anything, baka!”

“My name is Henry. Also, have some death!”

Oh no! Henry is an assassin! I don’t know why he bothered to introduce himself before attacking. Don’t assassins normally try to hide their identities?

“Don’t look down on me!”

Ricken pulled out a knife. Unfortunately, he hasn’t reclassed yet, and can’t properly fight without magic.

“I’m taller than you lol” Henry informs Ricken.

Wait, why isn’t he attacking? Oh yeah, like Ricken, Henry is also a mage. In this modern AU, there is no magic. Looks like they’ve reached a stalemate.

“Why did they send you?” Ricken asks.

“Well, you ordered a pizza, and someone needed to deliver it.”

“No! I mean, why did you try to assassinate me?”

“I didn’t try to assassinate you lol.”

Oops, looks like I got it wrong.

“This is all your fault, narrator!”

He said, “Have some death!”. For Christ’s sake, anyone would make that mistake!

“This story is kind of… _cheesy._ ” Henry punned.

“isn’t this supposed to be a shipping fic?” Ricken asked tentatively.

“Ricken, be my pepper _only._ ”

“I don’t think I’m ready for this! We’ve only been dating for **_one month_**!” (???????)

“Man, you’re such a weir _dough_.”

“I do love your puns. They can’t be _topped_.”

“Nyahahahahahahahahaha!”

They lived happily ever after… I think?

 

SMOOOOO-WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK-OOOOOOOCH~


End file.
